Despite its lack of literary merit, Fifty Shades of Grey has spawned humorous and poetic works, cartoons, off-shoot contenders, internet and television debates and discussions, a film that has just been released and this hay-wired banter between friends. See for yourself!
My girlfriend Jane has been mad about horses since she was a lass in pony tails. I couldn’t resist sending her this cartoon strip riding on the theme of 50 Shades of Grey.
She rang me immediately on seeing it.
Me: Thought it was about 50 Shades Of Grey but neigh, it is 50 Shades of Hay!
Jane: Laughed myself horse!
Me: Hay, hay, hay!
Jane: Being made into a film starring Sylvester Stallion.
Me: Yes, I believe the stars are jockeying for a part.
Jane: That would stall the film.
Me: Why don’t you audition? You’d be a perfect canter-date.
Jane: Are you accusing me of being horse faced?
Me (with a snort): I meant you’d be perfect with your ponytail and you can ride and let’s face it, you’re pretty mean with that whip.
Jane (with glee): Would the script call for a love scene on a horse? I’m already channelling Lady Godiva.
Me: Hold your horses! No Lady Godiva but, perhaps Sir Lance-a-lot?
Me: More likely a stable! Probably require a lot of unbridled passion.
Jane: (airily) Sheesh, I can do passion standing up.
Me: No doubt! Might work better than lying on bales of pokey straw! Although it could be covered with a horse blanket I guess.
Jane: (getting excited) Or I could lie in a horse trough and come up soaking wet with an off-the-shoulder top, giving that ‘come-hither’ look. I could drop the ponytail and have my hair dripping and give a smouldering look.
Me: Hmmm – kill me! Just kill me!
Jane: What! You don’t think I can do smouldering?
Jane: I could even step out of the trough sexily and in my boots – you know, give the stud a push with my killer stirrups …
Me: In your water-logged boots? You’d be squelching – that’s anything but sexy.
Jane: Oh alright! We can kick the boots idea but (brightening) how about emerging from the trough in ….
Me: Forget the trough! let’s focus on the seduction scene.
Jane: (Pouting) I thought we were doing that! Never mind. Anyway, I’m starving and could eat a horse – yes, pun intended.
Me: Why don’t you canter over here while I check the freezer for a rump or two. We can have a barbecue with salad.
Jane: I’ll ride my new hunter over and introduce you to him. I’ll bring his feed bag or he’ll eat all your geraniums.
Me: I’m finally going to meet the mighty Khan! Wonderful!
Jane: His bloodline is aristocracy no less. I’m giving him free rein so he can enjoy the gallop over to your place.
Me: You can hitch him around the back.
Jane: Tallyho! Where are you?
Me: In the kitchen … where did you expect me to be? In the barn?
Jane: Hmmm … That smells yummy!
Me: You’re just in time … lunch is ready!
Jane: Let’s go over the seduction scene! By the way, what does our seducer do? Is he lord of the manor or a cute groom with rippling muscles and a to-die-for abs? It would look good in the bucking and rearing scenes.
Me: Rein yourself in my dear! He’s neither. In fact, it’s not a ‘he,’ it’s a ‘she.’
© Wendy Robinson February 2015
A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~ Charlie Chaplin
This post is dedicated to my good friend Stephanie aka Little Miss Menopause, who writes the funniest posts on both sides of the Equator and has been an inspiration to me; my other half for providing the first few comedic lines; and finally, my off-spring for sending me the 50 Shades of Hay cartoon, which inspired this post.